even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
