im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
