just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Floor bacon is actually really good
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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