I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
