dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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