my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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