Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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