my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
