Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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