Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
