Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
