my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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