Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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