i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
