I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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