gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
