Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize