oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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