Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
