Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
