My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
