i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
send nudes
from the living room?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
