we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
