If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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