I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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