it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
