I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
