New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
