Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
