I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
