you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
