The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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