is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
