sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
