His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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