at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
