the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
