just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
