i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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