I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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