I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
