I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
