I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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