I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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