i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
