It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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