did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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