O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
