The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
