Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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