After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She bit a glass in half.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
