He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
