If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize