Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
