if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
