so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
