smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I queefed so loud it echoed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
