i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
