I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
