party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Actions speak louder than pants.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
