wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
