At least make sure they are 18
Why
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
