He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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