even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
