I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
