also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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