thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
