Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When did angry sex become our thing?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
