I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
