your parents love me but you hate me
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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