May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
