Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
