Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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