I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
